Movie Credits
December 29, 2006

What do you call the guy in charge of making the credits at the beginning/end of a movie? Whatever it is, those in charge of the task for local movies gotta leave the bong at home.

Very often they’ll mess up the actor’s name. For instance, Jalil Hamid can be Jaleel Hamid, Jalil Hameed, Jallil Hamid, Jalil Hammid, Ziela Jalil, Jalaludin Hassan and even Restoran Jalal or Jack and Jill!

I’m super serial. 8/10. 5 bucks on the table.

It might a petty detail to some, even moviemakers, but I believe that it’s these little things could confuse the audience.

Say you put up a shot of Jalil Hamid at the beginning of the movie, but the name on the screen is not ‘Jalil Hamid as Pak Ali’. Instead, Awang the credit typist guy misspelled it as ‘Restoran Jalal as Pak Ali’.

Now being the gullible audience that I am, not knowing that there was an error, I would be overwhelmed to know that good old Restoran Jalal to where I’d chill out at most of the time is now playing a role in a movie!

Well, imagine my disappointment at the end of the movie; realizing that I was tricked into believing that it is possible for a restaurant to play Pak Ali, whose wife died some 20 years ago and had to take care of his 4 children who then left for the big city leaving him alone in the village.

It's a cruel cruel world.

Whipping Post
December 18, 2006

One of my goals in life, apart from being the first man on the moon, would be to master the art of mocking. Apparently, as I grew up and made more friends, I learned that those who mock better gain the most respect. Let’s not get into all the BS about not wanting more reverence from your pals though.

And thus far, I think it’s fair to say that I’m on the right track; or at least I’m not in the same boat as Badol. In fact, I somehow thought that I could be a venerable scholar of this particular school of thought as not long ago, I figured out a brilliant technique of taking the piss at the question, “Are you joking/kidding?”

Yesterday however, I was taken aback by a claim made by Syah that I wasn’t a pioneer in the field. In other words, my discovery wasn’t something new….

M: Betul... aku tak tipu... memang aku pernah kalahkan Ajep Winning Eleven, blindfolded...
S: Are you joking?
M: No, I’m not. If I was joking I’d say “Hey Syah, your apartment reminds me of Tookoo’s shack in that Kami movie!”
S: Hahaha celaka kau bah…
M: Amcam, gempak tak aku buat gitu? Bila kau tanya aku joking ke tak aku jawab tak. Tapi! Lepas tu aku cakap kalau aku joking, aku buat satu lawak pasal kau. Aku reka sendiri weh skill nih…
S: Inda, inda… Awang rasa pernah ada orang buat gitu dalam satu gambar bah.
M: Inda? Awang? Apa kau cakap ni aku tak paham. Cakap biasa je la.
S: Tak, aku rasa aku pernah dengar orang buat gitu. Dalam movie mana tah.
M: Ha? Biar betul? Damnit aku ingat aku gempak habis dah reka menda gitu.
S: Takde ah, pernah ada orang buat la…
M: Damn…

(The above was our conversation, word for word.)

While he has no proof, the fact that he’d come across the scenario once before was enough to show me that I discovered nothing. Gotta work harder…

Kolar Terangkat
December 15, 2006

ALEE - says:
Asrif says:
ALEE - says:
ALEE - says:
salahx says:
Asrif says:
ALEE - says:
Asrif says:

Gomo Kelate Gomo
December 12, 2006

I’m envious of my schoolmate, Muziman. He’s enjoying the privilege of following a team that actually has significant connection to him. He’s a Perlis born and bred and a die-hard fan of the state’s football team. Every now and then he will send text messages to his friends, including myself, to go out and fill up the empty stadiums. Most of the time however, his messages would just call people to drive up to Kangar and root for Perlis; which is pretty unlikely.

I, on the other hand, am currently clueless about the Kelantan FA. I know nothing about them now and how they faired in the league, or where they are in the league for that matter.

While I wasn’t born there and grew up in Selangor, my father is from the state and I’ve been following the team since I was seven. I would rush my way back from school in the evenings to catch up with my dad before making our way to the Merdeka Stadium whenever Kelantan was playing away games against Selangor or KL. My hero was the Maradona and Pele hybrid, Hashim Mustapha and apart from Gila-Gila, Dunia Bola Sepak was the only other monthly magazine that I followed.

Following our semi-pro league back then was just pure fun. Heck, I think the passion people had for local teams matched, if not surpassed, that of the English teams. It was just far more colorful. The players, both local and foreign, had a relentless desire to win. The coaches, I would’ve likened the feud between them to the ones between Jose, Fergie, Rafa and Wenger today. The media focused their attention to the local league; having news about our league at the back pages of the papers. And the fans, they were exemplary to say the least; following their teams through thick and thin.

But it all vanished at the exposal of the match-fixing scandal in the mid-90s. Almost all of the country’s brightest and most promising football stars were banned from ever setting feet on the pitch.

There were of course efforts by the FAM to relieve the glory of our local league; with the introduction of the professional league. Their attempt failed to garner the same interest from the people however; at least in my book. The same professional league had gone through so many phases that I reckon most of us don’t even know, on top of our heads, the names of the leagues and how they work. I’ve read about the M-League, the Super League and whatnot occasionally but my lack of interest refrain me from reading more about it.

With only days ‘til the start of the M-League, I’ve decided to give it another try. Maybe I was a tad too preoccupied with my studies (hell yeah) during the past years. Or could I be giving too much attention to the EPL. Whatever it may be, I’m giving it another try. Lemme start off by looking up where Kelantan would play next year. Are they? Playing anywhere?

I want to wake up one morning, fire up the laptop and check for updates on first, before

Badol is...
December 11, 2006 queer as a clockwork orange.

Interesting fact I just discovered...
The book that Frank Alexander is working on when Alex and his droogs break into his home is called "A Clockwork Orange''. Author Anthony Burgess uses a pun on the Malay word "Ourang''. Burgess lived for several years in Malaya. The attack on his wife was based on an attack on Burgess' wife by four American GIs during WWII, which caused her to miscarry. (Source)
Man I feel so bright and intelligent reading and writing about A Clockwork Orange. Guess I'm ready to hangout with those enlightened collar-lifters paying overpriced Coke in Hartamas now. They are so important, people are starting to ignore manbearpigs. And I'm being super duper top o' the class serial...

Badol is...">Link to this post

December 04, 2006

...I'll just leave the previous post 'til the Derby game this weekend.

Photography by Azalia Suhaimi

  • Asrif, b. 1983
  • Subang Jaya, Malaysia
  • asrifomar[@]gmail[.]com
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