Low Blow
June 27, 2007

I have wonderful friends. But at times, they irk me to the point that I keep a barf bag handy whenever I’m around them; especially when we’re at home-hosted gatherings where small kids, and girls are around.

Apparently, one thing sets me apart from my friends. I lack the bionic superpower to sense the presence of a kid, with a cute girl no farther than 5-feet away from him/her.

More often than not, as I’m viciously filling my plate with food, one of them would already be on his way to the kid, armed with the broadest smile and widest arms no less. They couldn’t care less even if the kid was busy minding his own business with some Play-Doh.

"Ha... meh meh datang kat Abang Izzue meh... olololo... comeinye dier..."

And before I could even shove the first helping into my mouth, the kid would already be in his arms; with girls flocking around.

"Hey there! Comelnya budak ni... geram I. You’re really this nice with kids eh?"

Now if there’s a dirtier trick in the bag, it would be that of the Stiffmeister’s himself.

But why am I even complaining? It’s not rocket science. Just pick up a baby and you’ll be John Stamos in no time.

The answer lies upon a certain lady called Luck’s aversion of me.

I take my little sisters out to the movies every now and then. And I would liken my entrance into the cinema lobby to the infamous astronauts walking in a row scene from Armageddon; a scene that would flash the words hope, anticipation, desire and ambition through one’s mind.

Nevertheless, Lady Luck is quite the bitch. It’s already Shrek 3 and since Shrek 1, the closest I got was a very sweet old cleaner lady.

"Anak encik dua orang ni sekolah derjah berape?"

Man I hate my friends.



Comments:

eee..asrif..sweetnya spend time dgn your sis..

:D
 

skill kene ada dow..blaja2.hahahah..
 

this story made me remember a certain guy during hari raya gathering. but sometimes u gotta be thankful because that tactic can backfire, the girls can be THE girls if you know what I mean asrefffffffff.
 

hahaha...using a little kid to get girls...cheapest trick in the book...wahahahaha..u know who the reh!!hahahaha
 

hahahhaha.. sick sick
 

montoknya abang serih nih..tubboh seddak..
 

You do realize that the only reason that trick did not work with your sisters was the fact that the resemblance you guys have are just simply uncanny. It's like cut and paste. Plain brutal cut and paste with no additional rendering. And it's cruel and unfair to them, I know. Having a mexican face that closely resemble a certain Indonesian actor. But then again, I heard it's the in thing this season. You're in luck, bro.
 

serih, aku rasa kau memang funny. aku rasa cam tak percaya benda ni berlaku kat kau sampai aku baca 3 kali baru aku percaya.

tapi serih, mungkin makcik cleaner itu bergurau dgn kau?
 

wahahaha aku tak tau nak stat mana.

anon: u see when things like this happen, i really wish that u're not a guy. explains how many douchebag friends i have.

jeghi: takat skill 'thx 4 d add' kat myspace ngan anta sms tanya adik sapa2... nak kena blaja gak ke? aduh senak2.

rays: yeah, i suppose u're correct buddy. u don't wanna land the wrong deal. enjoy the break man, it'll be a daily hulk ride once u're with mr fortune 500.

keano: hahaha... gi buat schedule weekend nuh.

abg izzue: remaja montok

mmuck: mana ada do. in thing this season is still the in thing in any season, just being unpredictable.

pie: tak mungkin dia gurau pie. kalau dia gurau, sure dia dah bagi teka teki ke apa kat aku buat aku gelak. ni dia tanya gitu, aku nak gelak amendenya.
 

asrif,
i'm not a guy...

:D
 

tu sejarah dow....
 

ni anon mana lak nak ngorat ko ni serip? wahahaha... kencang aa serip!
 

anon: that's, comforting.

jeghi: haha dari sejarah la kita kena jadikan teladan. balik ah weh cuti nnt... rindu siut up ko depan2...

pengyu: ngorat pejadah. lu nnt turun jgn lupa angkut playboy n penthouse lu 2 kotak ni. lama dah gua share dosa ngan lu ni.
 

Ramizan x tepikat ngan ko ke?? Mesti die syok nye tgk Abg Asrif pandai bermanje ngan dak kecik .. "Steam Abg Rami Aw Aw Aw"
 

nak kecoh aku nye mags dua kotak.. midget porn ko tiga issues bawah katil wat senyap lak.. =p
 

Hi Asrif,

I am not a guy either but I have a huge throbbing clue for you....raging throbbing veiny clue just for you....
 

hi serih. i think you are hot *blush*
 

bart: wtf badol. gi organize futsal for this weekend and do us some good, for once.

pengyu: ko nak mampos ke main smiley :P ngan aku? ngan cek mek boleh ah bro... ngan aku takleh ah wahahaha

iamnotaguy: raging clue... lawak do episode tu. hardy boys ngahaha

anon: yeah, the aircond in the office is broken. and we dont have fans here. *hawt²*
 

alahai..ada org lain gak guna anonymous..

tukar nick la pasni..

:D

huhu
 

^^^
|||

tu anon atas pakai :D

tak kan i takley pakai =p kut..alah u ni..











bwahahahahahaha
 

hahaha, serih buat lawak hot. aku teringat cerita kisah kawan baru kau hari tu.
 

weekend ni xde futsal ke?
 

wahahahha.
 

anon: tuka nick? kata bukan laki... tapi nak tuka jadi nick lak. man my jokes are getting worse.

pengyu: wtf? bila nak gi guadalupe? gua nak poncho srv cam salah.

pie: lawak hot? mana ada...

jeghi: apa lak takde. zack buat cam messi, mr b ada buat cam eto'o... aku cam biasa, kaka je la.

hussen: gotta play ball one of these days man. been a while since i tried to box najib out.
 

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Photography by Azalia Suhaimi

About
  • Asrif, b. 1983
  • Subang Jaya, Malaysia
  • asrifomar[@]gmail[.]com
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