Or do they usually chop of the thorns?
September 24, 2007

Well, it wasn’t until 20 years later that I managed to watch Dog Day Afternoon. This one is from 2006.

Once in a while, in between the BS that we throw at each other, I do talk about the future with my friends. While my envisages are nowhere near the sweet job, paradise home, sleek car, hot wife dream; a three bedroom apartment overlooking our Wira in the parking lot wouldn’t hurt. Still, we do have some rather idealistic thoughts when talking about our desired whereabouts 5, 10 years from now.

Judd, for instance, wishes to finally win his battle in having a Rainbow Day public holiday and legalizing gay parades in the country.

It’s rare however that we talk about the feeling of being able to actually grasp our craved wants. For the time being at least, we would think it as giving us nothing less than sheer satisfaction.

The Last Kiss proves differently.

Zach Braff plays Michael who is in his late 20s, works as an architect at a top firm, owns a Toyota hybrid, lives in a Madison WI townhouse, and above all, has a girlfriend who’s got all the animals in Bambi following her wherever she goes.

In short, he’s got all he’d ever wanted in life; which strangely, was not in his favor. He came to realize how pre-planned his life was. Throughout the years of living, he faced no surprises, no thrills and no hiccups to drive him away from his path; for him to then steer back in line.

The lack of drama leading him to where he is today caused him into having a premature mid-life crisis. He was in a state of depression to which himself couldn’t really comprehend.

Maybe all that he has now wasn't what he wanted at all. Maybe a rollercoaster ride of a life was what he wanted. And turning back time was not an option.

The emergence of a college sophomore, Kim, into his life however, bended all the possible rules that dictates the dos and don’ts of his current stature. Far from helping him, Kim kick-started the turbulence that was to rumble his household.

And that is just one of the many lives that trembled in the movie.

I see The Last Kiss as Love Actually on steroids. The movie is a blend of American Pie’s modern day living sugarcoating the brutal truth of Closer’s sickly circumstances. All in all, the movie highlights the thorns hidden underneath a bouquet of roses.

Man I'm up for some slaughtering from the friends with that last line.

Get your ass back in!
September 18, 2007

When you've got a movie with Son House preaching about the Blues, you know damn well that you're up for a treat.

The plot is simple. Yet its randomness left me in a bewildered heap. Though lightly based on a book, how the whole idea of having a sex addict Christina Ricci chained to a ruthless bluesman Sam Jackson's home radiator for ¾ of the movie came about, is beyond me.

Rae (Ricci) was sexually abused when she was a kid and growing up, sex became her drug. Found badly bruised after a wild night around town, Rae was taken home by Laz (Jackson) and after learning about her ‘illness', he decided the cure her, using the chain.
As I said, the story couldn't be simpler. But the way Jackson and Ricci carried their characters brought the movie to a new height. Screw IMAX. You can actually feel the smoke every time they puff one down their veins. And it only gets better. Laz was a bluesman and the movie was intensified by heavily overdriven Blues riffs throughout.

I learned a thing or two from the movie.

Moan is not about how Brokeback is not a love story. That's the critics talking crap. Two men going humpana at each other can never be a love story. When shit's gay, shit's funny. End of.

And that was how Laz see things. I'll elaborate.

Uno, don't go beyond if you don't have to. At times, you do judge a book by its cover. Poster had two men in cowboy hats wrangling each other instead of the bull. Would one need more convincing of the movie's queerness?

Dos, when deliberately done of course, messing up your grammar helps in making your points clearer and stressing your standpoint better. It also helps if you cut down on the colors and keep to the straightforward facts. And it's easier than you thought. Ima say it again, when shit's gay, shit's funny. Try it out. It's fun!

Now can somebody please hand Sam an Oscar already?

PS - On another note, I'm writing over at City Views too. It's a Malaysian City fans blog. The Star hooked me up with them. Sweet.

Honk If You're Horny
September 03, 2007

You’re driving on the road after a long day at work which involved you being screamed at by your boss, handling a pain in the ass project and witnessing that cute girl from HR walking hand in hand with a guy ugly enough, squirrels die just by looking at him.

Fair enough. Everybody has his own reasonable share of bad days. And you’re already on your journey home, reaching the end of your dreadful day. All you’re asking for is to land yourself on the sofa and enjoy a round of back to back Fergie videos before hitting the sack.

So the last thing you need is a car swiftly overtaking you, crossing your path, to go to the other lane, without flicking on his/her signals.

Do you..
  1. Express your anger by thrusting your hand onto the horn and leave it there for 10 seconds until he’s temporarily deaf or
  2. Within the seclusion of your own car, yell to the top of your lungs how he’s a thick imbecile whom you wish would trip from a 300-ft cliff and fall into a sea of monkey vomit.. and make yourself temporarily deaf
Since those two are the only options, at least in my book, I put a few criterions into consideration before choosing to throw either myself or the asshat into temporary deafness.

First off is obviously his car. Option 1 is he’s driving a totally unmodified, crispy clean car with a plate number issued no longer than two years ago. Option 2 if he’s driving a ‘Galantized’ Wira with a spoiler convenient enough for one to hang the laundry of two rugby teams, jockstraps included and an exhaust pipe huge enough to house the rugby players while they wait for their laundry to dry.

Coming in close at number two is the driver himself. Option 1 if he’s got his hair side-parted, greased to perfection and shirt buttoned up to the chin, with both hands on the steering wheel. No wait, I’ll do Option 1 then Option 2, with the windows down. Option 2 only if he looks like Scarface.

Thirdly is none other than the stickers on the car. I would above all do nothing if it says ‘Official Mafia Car’ or the likes. They are indeed, members of the Mafia, aren’t they? Don’t wanna get our wee wees chopped off, do we? Nevertheless, if there’s a glimpse of those ‘Honk If You're Horny’, ‘Pwincezz on Board’, ‘Bad Gurl Inside’, ‘Manchester United Football Club’ signs anywhere on the car, an ear-deafening honk will be on its way.

Thought you said honk if you’re horny?

Life is full of split-second decisions and there’s one that I make daily.. to honk or not to honk.

Photography by Azalia Suhaimi

  • Asrif, b. 1983
  • Subang Jaya, Malaysia
  • asrifomar[@]gmail[.]com
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