Gendut Remaja
October 01, 2007

As much as I watch SportsCenter religiously, I'm bad at sports; all of them.

OK, not all sports as I am to Winning Eleven what Maradona is to football. A gift. Just ask my cousin. It's not everyday that you lose, using a full strength Brazil, to a 7-men Argentina; thanks to a superbly orchestrated last minute diving header.

Nevertheless, take the controller away from me and I'm Batman without Robin, Peter Griffin without Brian, Chelsea without Jose or even Joey without his other Friends. You know, still cool and all, but lacking that other half to make me super cool. And not being super cool is already bad in my book, as an overachiever.

As I was saying, I'm so bad at sports I make Kournikova look like Navratilova.

In the beginning however, it wasn't all that bad. When I was in standard two, I got second place in this telematch thing at school. A year later I won silver and bronze in 100m freestyle and handball respectively. And I did make it to the school football team.

But that was it and I was 9. Forward 15 years and those three really dusty medals are all I have as far as my athletic achievements go. As they say though, the worst athletes make the best fans. Thank God there's Mazree who's as inept as any football player can be; making me look ‘not too bad' on the pitch.

My lower secondary years were the most exciting period though. If Milan has its Rossoneri and Nerrazurri, Subang Jaya has its Tempoyak and Asam.

Yes, those are the actual names of the football club that the bunch of us founded, back when we were mere 15-year old Alan Shearer worshippers. Asam got their name from the tamarind trees around their field and as for Tempoyak, let's just say kids back then were into random nonsense. Clad in red, I was Tempoyak's right back.. aptly as I can't kick jack shit with my left leg. And on the pitch, I was always that very, very average player. While others were being coined the next Romario, Baggio, Maldini et al, I was glorified as the next Mark Pembridge. You read it right, Toffee and Welsh legend Mark Anthony Pembridge. My mediocrity couldn't be highlighted any clearer.

But it was all good though. Waking up at 8am on Saturdays before cycling to the field to face off with your friends was always a joy. I still keep the red Le Coq jersey with number 34 at the back. Somehow, I thought it'd be sweet to have a non-conventional football number to look cool. Well, that and all the better numbers were already taken by the better players.

Today, I try to revive those Saturday mornings every Friday evening. After coming home from work, I'll try to have dinner as early as possible to allow ample time for food digestion. And by 10pm or so, I'll hit the open air futsal court in Bangi to go head to head with my school friends. It is the only thing (apart from the City games on TV) that I look forward to every week. But to think that my highlight of the week is two hours on the pitch with 11 really sweaty guys is a bit strange.


am waiting for cloudde's "asrif-is-a-lonely-gay" comments. either that or something that's got to do with something mexican.

dus..x dapat main futsal dow..kehebatan shin chan kewell skrg ni nampak kat internet je la..hahahah..elano bg point kat shin chan kewell baik nye

Dun wurry, look at the bright side pal. With the writing talent that u have, the nearest u can get besides being a sportsman is being a football commentator instead (k, I may be judging u on an amateur level since I’m suck at it! =P). Well, At least u could somehow involved in sports without getting ur body all battered up & being kicked around the field like a football, doncha tink?…Hmm, gud enuff 2 know that u actually sweat on weekly basis. Trust me, keep doin’ dat a lil’ bit longer & I bet u can scrap away the ‘Gendut Remaja’ title off ur book later, bro~

you're getting soft.

anem, gendut remaja tu nama team yahoo! fantasy football aku. saja aku letak as title.

izzue, ur love handles are softer.

life is short. so is your dick.

haha. aku ingat amende la gendut remaja tadi. tetiba aku teringat gila-gila remaja. apa cerita kajian yang kau buat hari tu? masih lagi dalam kajian ke?

Agaknya bulan puasa kot, aku serious takde idea nak kutuk kau. By default, kings to you, manana.

aku rasa kalo ko nak menang fantasy kene tukar nama jadik shin chan gendut ke..susah dow team ko x power..hahahah

berat doh mung nih.. lepar controller lepah tu nak berlagak meney pakai brazil.. aku pakai ukraine jah ari tu boleh meney dengan bergaya sekali...

sick2.. bwahahaha..

selamat hari raya bro..maaf zahir dan batin,,

my first gold medal was from futsal tournament i won - at age 22. or was it 23? I cant remember. lagi sedih. haha.

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Photography by Azalia Suhaimi

  • Asrif, b. 1983
  • Subang Jaya, Malaysia
  • asrifomar[@]gmail[.]com
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