Adakah cinta suatu permainan?
November 18, 2007

There’s a scene in Borat the movie in which Borat chases his sidekick Azamat all around a hotel corridor and into the conference room to later brawl on the stage. It would’ve been nothing if both of them weren’t stark naked and Borat wasn’t chasing Azamat with a fake fist in his hand, enraged after catching Azamat getting off to Pamela Anderson. But for that, I would easily coin that scene as the funniest in the history of filmmaking.

For the way it left me in tears and gasping for breath after suffering from severe stomach cramps, the scene deserves its place at the paramount of Mount Humor. And I thought nothing in real life could ever replicate the hilarity of that 13 minute scene.

Enter women’s futsal.

The beginning of time also marked the establishment of the ideology ‘women can do all that men could ever do’. Not that any guy in history really took his precious time to discuss the subject, let alone deny it. Nevertheless, activists the world throughout has been relentless in stressing just that. And they are taking the futsal pitches around the country by storm.

Apparently, the scenes before and after they take ‘center stage’, if you will, are of extreme opposites.

Prior to stepping into the futsal court, it’s a delight to be around them. Women in tight baby tees and pastel-colored hot pants puffing and panting their way for air as they stretch their long lean arms and legs is not something that I would really pass. Not to mention the suggestive words written all over their clothing; from ‘bootilicious’ to ‘devilicious’, from ‘foxy lady’ to ‘spank me’. Moreover, some look really charming in sweet little bandanas firmly tied around their heads; while applying some Bobbi Browns no less.

The moment they stride in between the nets, into the court however, all hell breaks loose. They bring a new meaning to the word unorthodox. What seemed to look like a group of dainty Disney movie princesses off the pitch suddenly resembles an army of gargoyles on the pitch. The cute little giggles and girly talks they were having fade into thin air. All that could be heard were the growls and roars of savage beasts. The sweet smell of their designer perfumes turns into the stench of sulfuric acid permeating into the atmosphere from middle Earth.

OK, some of what I just wrote may be a bit hyperbolic. May be. A bit. Suffice to portray the magnitude of their emotions anyway.

But how is that even funnier than that Borat scene then?

Despite the aggressive and hostile ambiance they create on the pitch, the objectives of the game that is futsal, are rarely met. The ball would be flying around aimlessly, often through odd place such as in between the arms, over the bar, into the court next door and Zanzibar.

The tackles are often harsh and violent, hitting everything but the ball. Consequently, they are bound to suffer more injuries playing futsal than men could ever do playing rugby, or Australian rules football for that matter.

Their passes, simply put, will go no straighter than Elton John. And ultimately, their shots toward the goal will either 1) go wayward or 2) hit their teammates.

I do honestly feel bad sometime for not paying Sports Planet to watch women play futsal. I paid some $30 once to see Russell Peters and even that seemed peanuts for a comedy show.

If I ever wake up as Aladdin, the first thing I’ll do is rub the lamp and make a wish that will definitely make the world a better place. I want women to see themselves playing futsal as I see myself doing ballet. Or Sir Elton, again, doin' a laydeh.

Behold the beginning of my life as an eternal bachelor.



Comments:

Hey Asrif! Nice entry babe....ko apa khabar? Long time no see and hear...."Behold the beginning of my life as an eternal bachelor" ...are you making a vow? ...... anyway, kita patut meet up sometime...aku dah shida, kadand-kadang dtg lepak kal klcc on fridays, when i am on leave....the next time, joinlah kita org for lunch ya?...tc
 

Hi Shahreen! Lama tak dengar cita weh, hope you're doin' fine and well. Turun KLCC sound je aku nanti aku join korang.

BTW, that wasn't a vow la. Simply a realization of how this very piece could repel more women (as if there wasn't enough force already), hehe.

Anyway, ring me up allright.
 

Ass-rif a sexist & a fat ass.
 

judd,nice comment.
 

Yeap, women playing futsal looks like anything but playing futsal. Yg pro tu lain la kan but seriously - it's like a jungle full of gol and gincus whose individual objective is survival of the fittest.

It's supposed to be a team thing, comrades!

Tkpelah, janji maintain cute.
 

i agree with the part that women are very violent in the pitch. but still, i think u just need to watch the right teams playing to see how awesome girls can kick balls :)
 

Muahahahaha nice one. I guess some lame-and-overused quotes like "some things are better left unsaid, fat ass" and "think before you write, dickhead" work perfectly well here
 

syu & farah, fair points. i guess. :)

judd, think before u write? wtf?
 

man..i wouldnt wanna be on the same court with women playing futsal..i lost focus. besides, i love my balls.. they're the best pair i've had so far.

but heck, playing futsal w/ sweat-drenched chickas beat playing bball with you & judd.
you guys call break every 2 freaking minutes.. what the fudge?

hehehe.
 

owh..
btw, don't worry ass-rif..
some of the china dolls are learning basic english. you just need to save more. :P
 

serih's n his babi guinea(guinea pig)
 

hussen: finally got it after ur email.

jeghi: aku tak paham.. babi apa? turun weh bangi jumaat ni. ko tak penah rasa kena trick ngan elano kan? turun la..
 

duh...lagi x igt lawak lame ko dulu....
 

tak glamer ke MX ni?
sampai ngko kena refer to me using my real name...aku ni agak pemalu orgnyer. huhuhu
jadi x bball weekend nih?
 

I seriously think that you don't necessarily need a piece like this to repel women. It's like an overkill. Your 'one piece' already gets the job done.

Catch my drift, "T.W Ramone"?
 

bro..pon aku hilang. call aku weh
 

dia --- datang dan pergi ---
dekatlah padaku -- dalam kerinduan

[ sweeeeeeet chariteYYY ]

p.s. raja kumbang berani jamming? prektis la aku balik boleh se-round dua tiga 4, 5, 6 ...n-th (pak andak)
 

pak andak, dia tu cam wonderful tonite je. dekatlah padaku tu mmg PWNAGE!

bila lu balik msia brader? gua mmg nak bawak lu layan blues malaya ni.. blue malaya lu tau sendiri ah mana nak cari.. dalam comp yazid byk.
 

june, 4 weeks, insya-ALLAH. angkut 2 anak wa + bass sam ali. 2 tahun bass tu bertapa! cam haram.

-pak andak-
 

oh MY!!!! lucky u didnt see me play futsal. Lol. I suck these days.
 

that stilletoed kaki is so... sex.
 

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Photography by Azalia Suhaimi

About
  • Asrif, b. 1983
  • Subang Jaya, Malaysia
  • asrifomar[@]gmail[.]com
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