Alfie Reincarnations, We Are Not
December 07, 2007

"Wabbit season, duck season, wabbit season, duck season..."

The age old debate echoes throughout the year, until December arrives for Bugs and Daffy to come to terms. It's neither wabbit nor duck season. It's the 'wedding season'.

It's that time of year for ordinary people, like you and me, to strut their stuff and dazzle each other on a weekly basis. Indeed, there's always a part of us wanting to dress to impress. The way we satisfy that need however, can be a bit more subtle.

Legend has it that Eric Clapton wrote Wonderful Tonight while waiting for his girlfriend to get ready for a function. Though Clapton may have written the song to illustrate his sheer affection for her, my take on the song changed after learning why it was written.

It simply tells me that the time it takes for a woman to get dressed is the same as the time it takes for a man to write a chart-topping hit; which in my case is a few days short of a century.

Thus in my defense, as I don't have the patience to wait, the only reason I never bring a girl whenever I get an 'Asrif & Partner' wedding invitation is simply because I 'choose' not to...

...not because every girl in town blocks my number on weekends or excuses herself whenever I mention about going to a wedding.

Of course not.

I'm not really complaining though. In fact, I look forward to my friends' weddings as they provide opportunities for me, and my friends, to meet girls.

There are usually four to five of us in the car on the way to the wedding, talking as if we have the likes of Van Wilder and Alfie trapped in our bodies.

"I'm telling you guys, I'm walking home if I get less than five phone numbers from this one."

"This shirt man... it just never fails on me. Front pocket right here has endured a Yellow Pages worth of numbers. How I wish I'm kidding you."

"I spent the whole week reading ApproachAnxiety.com and I'm totally gonna bomb this test dude. Behold..."

"This guy from work told me he met his hot wife at a wedding. Gave a letter to her through the flower girl and voila! Five bucks enough for these kids? That's all I got."

As we walk into the tent/hall area, maybe only one of us (usually myself) would look straight during the courtesy welcoming handshake with the parents. While my sad friends, peek over their shoulders for tables with the best view.

For some reason, while lining up for food, none of them could really talk properly. They only whisper to each other, while throwing glances at nearby tables. Or maybe nod repetitively to the beat of their plates drumming on their legs as their heads move 180 degrees.

It's not that we are that sad of a bunch, really. We do meet girls at weddings.

Here we are sitting at this depressing table and won't you just look at that, a girl friend of ours sitting at another table surrounded by her friends. Usually, the least forgettable one among us will be sent for the mission.

His initial presence would typically be welcomed by a very pleasantly surprised look, before being introduced to the girl’s girl friends, and then, 90% of the time, their boyfriends. And we celebrate his despair with a round of guffaws within our table.

Nobody really say much in the car on our way back; most looking out through the window in grievous solemn... wondering if there will ever be an end to our misery.

To my friends getting married soon, Selamat Pengantin Baru!



Comments:

Legend has it that a certain blues musician wrote a poem once starting with an "Assalamuallaikum..."

An electronic copy of the legendary poem mentioned can be obtained per request to jayreznik@hotmail.com.
 

meowww...
 

haha sad but true dude.. we're thinking on the same brainwave..

-alee-
 

i guess it's hard to find single girls in weddings anymore, if they do come, they'll come in big-intimidating groups hahaha.

most girls will come with their significant others, boyfriends, partners, BFF, good friends, & even brothers (so takde orang kacau). if the single girls can't find a date, (most probably) they won't come at all.

gendut manusia!
 

owh I went. with my married friend whose husband was not around. haha.
 

i dont know abt others, but i think it's kinda weird for a girl to attend weddings alone. mcm awkward je. nak kena find partner/friends/gang to go with. kalau tak, like judd said, i wont come.
 

Judd goes to random weddings for free food.
 

Haluu...

Yup! Yup! I come in big, intimidating groups!

Huhuu...
 

apsal cita ko ni macam sedih?ahahah
 

ass rif's so lame
 

"...maybe nod repetitively to the beat of their plates drumming on their legs as their heads move 180 degrees."

macam Ajep je.
 

Alee more like it haha...
 

so true
-alee
 

cam sedih je bunyinya. tapi kau cuba menunjukkan yang kau ni tak seperti kawan2 kau yg lain bila kau cerita pasal salam dgn parents pengantin tu:

"As we walk into the tent/hall area, maybe only one of us (usually myself) would look straight during the courtesy welcoming handshake with the parents. While my sad friends, peek over their shoulders for tables with the best view."

.
 

Awwww...dont sound so depressed..ive read somewhere,that we'll end up with someone we've met....childhood friend...fren's of a fren...office colleague....family's fren's child...best things happen when we're least expected...so tunggu je lah yeh!
 

Haha... never thought whatever I wrote could sound that sad. I'm just echoing my friends' notion... I'm all good really hahaha...






...well not quite. :(
 

apa cerita nucleation kat Miri? Mesti banyak cita.

Siallah Man U menang nasib lagi. 20 shot on goal siut... 1 je save dari Pepe Reina.
 

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Photography by Azalia Suhaimi

About
  • Asrif, b. 1983
  • Subang Jaya, Malaysia
  • asrifomar[@]gmail[.]com
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