Make Way
January 03, 2008

I'd seen many zombie movies. Dawn of the Dead, Evil Dead, Night of the Living Dead, Dead Alive, House of the Dead, Win a Date with Tad Hamilton; seen 'em all.

And every time I see one, I can't help but ask myself, what if this whole zombie thing happens in my neighborhood? Often though, I would answer the question myself by being convinced that pigs would fly before anyone around KL actually turns into a zombie.

Aren't we all supposed to think that way, anyway? Zombies, ET, Robocop, Alien VS Predator, Transformers, Sasquatch... they can all only happen in the West. And that's the bottom line, because Hollywood said so.

What the George Romeros and Sam Raimis of Hollywood aren't aware of however, is that over here, lives a group of people that makes zombies look like Snow White's dwarfs. They are as ruthless as Austin Powers after a month long sexual abstinence and as senseless as Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog.

They care for no one but themselves and show no mercy. And the most horrifying part about them is that they are minimally disguised. They don't limp, they aren't covered in shit and they don't look like Michael Jackson. They look like any one of us and without knowing it, we might be one of them!

Fortunately, they don't feast on human flesh and blood. What they do feast on instead, is your way out of automated doors; be it the lift, the train or the bus. They will do all it takes to make sure that they get in before you can even think to step out.

Can't believe it took me six paragraphs to get here but what I actually wanted to talk about are people who couldn't let others get out first before storming in.

You'd surely been on a train queue at some point, haven't you? After an exhausting wait, it's midnight and the 10pm train finally arrives. You're ready to get on board and before the door could even open more than an inch, you shove yourself into the train to be in the way of passengers who now have to squeeze their way out, in between the crowd.

Told you we might be one of them.

Unless they are women with chests to match that of Dolly Parton's, I do mind whenever people get in my way when I'm trying to get out. Though I don't practice Elizabethan manners, any Average Joe would find it rather improper to block people who are coming out of the door; let alone running in like a rhino.

It's a real challenge figuring out their objective in storming themselves so abruptly. Even if they are already in the lift/train/bus, the thing will not move until those who want out are out and those who want in are in. There's the 'open' button to keep the lift door open and any decent driver/conductor wouldn't move the train or bus unless everyone is in place.

The thing that would naturally irk me the most is the face that some people put on while storming in. I can't really find a word for it but the facial expression says it all. They have that snobbish douchebag 'not giving a damn' inbred twat face thing going on. That, usually after hitting my shoulder or banging my knees with his/her stupid shopping bag.

I would die a happy man should I one day end a World War, abolish poverty or put an end to global warming. But none of those are within my reach so I will still die happy if I could call upon us all, to do this. The next time we're queuing up to enter a lift/train/bus, calm down, take a deep breath, let everyone out and then gingerly swan in through the door with a broad smile in our faces. And everyone's day shall proceed.

Let's make the world a better place to live in.



Comments:

Amen to that.
 

aku penah sound sekali, baik punya shoulder touch ala rio ferdinand.

tapi mamat tu buat dekk je.

sound tak menjadi kot cause i was hoping he retaliated or apologized. heh
 

"chill lah wei I'm going out as well!!" seorang perempuan separa menjerit apabila ditolak dari belakang. She was the one closest to the door. Ruin mood pagi2 jer..
 

ko tak rasa macam takde harapan ke diaorang ni? kenapa kena perangai macam tuh? letih do.
 

Train karma…

Hate the train etiquette most people have. I must say, mine is NOT the best either, but I really think my own behaviour is the product of my environment--it’s a survival instinct you see!

With a ride on commuter from hell, you may sometimes turn into mean byiatch on your train rides. I have to admit there are such occurrence where i might turned into a revengeful, purse swinging curmudgeon especially when I’m caught in a stampede of stinky strangers!

Yeah-who knows next time i’ll bare in mind your preaching when I’m caught in the same situation,huh?

Salute your kind intention. WORLD PEACE!
 

Ihsan: Tapi kau sendiri pun jangan lak redah je San bila nak masuk lift. Zulkhaliq takpe la dada dia bidang, lengan macam peha.

Ikram: Tumbuk je dude. Read somewhere that punching an asshole is legal in a few states aku rasa. No wait, that could've meant something else.

Azah: Did you hollerback "You go girl!" at her..?

Sani: I can see Badol being one of them for some reason.

Anem: Baca nih hehe - http://www.nytimes.com/2004/09/14/nyregion/14subway.html?ex=1252987200&en=25839ffddba81f87&ei=5090&partner=rssuserland&pagewanted=all
 

Wei, Mr. Smarty Pants…Ref to your link: Good idea dowh! Sesungguhnyer sekarang aku leh ar gune taktik kotor itu; “Excuse Me. May I Have Your Seat?”(sambil buat muke sekupang) on my train rides. (Yeah-tanduk dua aku suda tumbuh!)

I bet some innocent souls will fall for it. Afterall, some ppl even thought I’m pregnant, ok! Hehe~

Kasi can arr, lama dowh journey naik tren ke Bangi (Forgive my sin, dear God)
 

org msia kurang kesedaran sivik kot.
 

fuckin a dude. Exactly what i was thinking masa balik kejap arituh. Aku naik monorel masa gi merayap and comei je ade sorang nyonya tuh shoulder-barge aku cam WWF. Terkezut sebentar aku.
 

Hanim: But the stats show it all kan? Most of them will give you a seat. Then again, that's the NY subway kan? Buat kat Komuter kena ready nak gadoh ah kut. But you'll never know... Malaysians can be very surprising. :)

Pie: Aku teringat satu cita ni kat Kroger Ann Arbor. On the way ke parking, ada sebijik kereta ni parking kat tempat orang cacat. Then Hisham cakap ah, "Takde kesedaran sivik betul," then Yazid lak jawab "Apa lak takde, tak nampak dia tulis Civic kat belakang tu?" ... WTF?

Jering: Kau sure ke tu bukan makcik tua WWE tu? Apa nama dia, rambut kerinting besar gila tu. Marjorine ke apa jadah tah, haha...
 

Teringat masa pagi2 berebut nak naik bas UiTM.

"Astaga, batal air sembahyang aku!"

...disambut gelak-gelak kecil gadis-gadis ayu Akasia.
 

one of my pet peeves about kl. especially because everyone else seems bigger than me, and then not only am i annoyed by their rudeness, but i also seem to be stuck nose-to-armpit with no room to move...
 

Oi Fat ASS .. ko perhal senyap2 kutuk aku plak nih .. I'm a civic conscious person laa wey .. aku siap bagi pregnant woman duduk lagi (Only when there are hot chicks around though)

Tapi kalau gua terlanggar Mahideen tuh xleh buat ape aaa .. manusia 4 kaki ke bawah mane nak nampak
 

Salah: Ah sudah Yop, hang buat aku teringat-ingat Akasia ni berat ni.

Hanna: As I mentioned earlier, check out this brilliant piece: http://www.nytimes.com/2004/09/14/nyregion/14subway.html?ex=1

Badol: STFU..!
 

i didn't. It was me.
 

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Photography by Azalia Suhaimi

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  • Asrif, b. 1983
  • Subang Jaya, Malaysia
  • asrifomar[@]gmail[.]com
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