Splash Splash
March 30, 2008

Look at all these people. Their firm handshakes and huge smiles barely depict reality. They paint the picture of a world so perfect, it looks like John Lennon’s dream. The pessimist in me can only scream, in silence, the sinister thoughts behind every one of those handshakes.

It’s the same sight everytime I go to a conference. Strangers clad in the sleekest suits from the best tailors in Milan, only to be differentiated by the company names on their name tags; acting like they’ve known each other for years. All in the unity of adding more twists and turns to the already perverse corporate world.

Here I am sitting among these ‘recently acquainted strangers’ in this conference hall, trying to make sense of the slides being presented; every one of them resembling the pages of the dictionary. Instantly, my eyes roll away from watching the paint dry, I mean, reading the slides... gazing at the other areas of the room, nothing inspiring.

Until a creak of the door brought my attention to you. Miles across the hall, trying to squeeze yourself between the sea of corporate slaves for a vacant spot; while I grasp my angst in my fist looking at these wealth-infested loons doing nothing to help out a lady get a seat. But as you get yourself sorted, the event turns into an Invisible Men Convention. I can suddenly see through these guys and have my sight set on you.

My heart pounds to the beat of the clock ticking atop the wall. Coffee break is just a few minutes away we both know... okay, I know that it’s a make or break effort for me to make a move.

But what on earth am I going to say? I lost my phone number can I have yours? I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bedrock? Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's outta business? Did it hurt, when you fell into my dreams last night? Is it hot in here or... you get my drift.

I have a plethora of these state of the art pickup lines but what’s the point? For all you know, you’ve heard them all. Even if you haven’t, I know that the minute I stand in front of you I’ll stutter like Scatman John with gallons of sweat drenching my hands.

“Ladies and gentleman, you may proceed to the Coffee Kiosk for some refreshments.”

Time flies eh? So what now, what’s the deal here? It did cross my mind that if you’re busy talking to people during the break, then I won’t feel too guilty for not talking to you. But you’re not. It’s been a good two minutes since you started stirring at your cuppa, alone in that corner. I even feel obliged now to head your way and talk to you.

Well well, that wasn’t too bad now was it? You welcomed my hello with a very bright smile. Not too mysterious like the ones on those Norah Jones records. Not too invigorating like the ones on the Colgate billboards either. Just nice, enough to make my week to say the least.

So you’re from that company? I don’t know diddly-squat about your business but it’s all good. I’m not bad at pretending to know about things. Oh and you live around the Segambut area I see. Bad move on my side there, shouldn’t have asked about your daily four hour commute to your office in KL from Segamat, Johor. Again, it’s all good. I liked the way you giggled at my ignorance.

Do you really have to do that? Raising your eyebrow and snickering while slowly stirring that cup of coffee. I’m trying really hard to defy the law of gravity and not let my jaw drop here. And FYI, backcombing the wavy hair of yours every half a minute isn’t helping either. Sorry for making you ask every question twice though, I’m just a bit... mesmerized by your beauty.

Well won’t you just look at that. The rest of the conference are back in the hall. Guess we should be heading the same way as well. Wha... what’s that? The hotel pool? Around 6pm? Ahah... wanna finish that Danielle Steel book you were talking about eh? Leaves me about an hour after the conference for me to google up everything I could about her. The only Steel I know is Superman – Man of Steel anyway.

This should be alright. A light blue polo paired with black shorts and very laidback pair of Teva sandals. Good blending of urban and casual if you ask me. Okay, it’s a bit A&F-ish but at least I’m not popping up my collars. A quick smear from the perfume samples in the complimentary magazine and I’m off. All set for a chat with the fine lady by the rooftop pool. A quick afternoon chat leading to dinner later in the evening perhaps?

Ah there you are, deeply indulged by the drama and mystery of Mrs. Steel’s writings; laying on a very cozy beach chair it seems. Now you just don’t quit teasing, do you? Is biting those strands of hair really necessary? And you don’t have to stroke your legs every two seconds you know.

My hearing sense quadruples as I walked closer to you. I can hear my heart beating faster by the second. Oh wow it’s that smile again... and you’re coupling it with a jovial wave now. Pretty happy to see me, babe? I bet you were.

As I was about to sit down on the chair beside you, hoping to enjoy the sunset together, I froze. The splashing sound out of the pool made me turn my head and wahey lookey here, it's a cute little boy and he's smiling broadly at you while splashing around. Even kids love you eh?

“Mommy mommy look at me I’m a dolphin..! Splash splash..!”

“Yes you are darling..! Daddy’s on his way... save your water tricks for him okay?”

And time stood still, with everything else on God's green Earth. Never in a million years, would I ever thought that such a beautiful scene could wreck my heart into a million bits and pieces of sorrow crashing down to the ground, inflicting pain and agony to every inch of my soul.

Every one of my hopes and dreams, splashed away in the blink of an eye.

Inspired by Paul Simms' Four Short Crushes. My other Simms essay: Basic Instinct III.


you never fail to amuse me serih.

After a while being your reader i wonder, was it really happen serih?

i cried.

kisah benar ko nih? serih.. serih.. *menggelengkan kepala

I cried because you're talking about Azman Northwestern. Hahahahaha

aku tau cite nih reflect kepada kehidupan sebenar ko yang sangap tuh.be cool bro.

Sorry Judd, didn't mean to touch your soul... while you touch yourself.

i like it when you talk dirtayyy babyyyy.

lorr.. aku ingat ko nak citer pasal Bobby Darin tadik..
owhh.. agak kejam gaa ending citer ngko nih. hopefully it wasnt you laa

judd! asrif! get a room!

my angah!! blessed with eloquence & articulation. thats the only one part i envy of u

Amal, can we use your room?

Wah wah, Acik my polite metrosexual godbrother dropped by. I'm in the presence of greatness. Your elegance and charm always leave us baffled in confusion.

Ah yes my beloved Achik. Famous for his random & unpredictable "hifives" and "handshakes".

We are indeed, in the presence of politeness.


u should be with us when alee drove me around looking for arboks in Miri while Zul is on the speaker phone..my highlight of this year, so far!

mann words fail me. scatman john.

What a highlight for nali!

ya rabbi... sahabatku...
punya la banyak benda lain nak buat kat Miri woi...

Nali, Ali, Zul... bawak bertenang rakan-rakan, bawak bertenang. Jangan terpedaya. Tengok betul-betul, diorang takde halkum tu.

Unless lu orang tak kisah, by all means.

you write really, really well. and i am feeling really, really small. anyways, thanks for dropping by my humble page. ;)

Ty, thank you very, very much. :-)

Shiyok la kau....

Serih... nak ole ole

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Photography by Azalia Suhaimi

  • Asrif, b. 1983
  • Subang Jaya, Malaysia
  • asrifomar[@]gmail[.]com
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