Ain't Nobody's Business (Trip), If I Do
May 29, 2008

I did a bit of business traveling recently and through it all, learned a thing or two about entertaining myself during these kinds of trips. Maybe I could share some with you.

The tedious thing about business traveling, especially when it involves flights, is that you're bound to be alone for a long period of time. If you're a mere mortal just like myself (i.e. you're not Chuck Norris), you can't afford doing nothing during this moment in time. Humans were designed to not be able to withstand boredom any longer than half a minute.

Even if you're driving, the long journey would leave you in this space where the only mode of entertainment available is the car stereo. And the games on your cell phone maybe, if you were born with the gift of multitasking.

I usually equip myself with a host of things prior to a trip. The classic ones being books, magazines, MP3 player and sketching pads, or doodle pads as I like to call them whenever asked by a stewardess -- to sound cute.

Okay, I made that up... they couldn't care less. Similarly to Pinocchio, a certain part of my body elongates everytime I lie; to my delightful amusement.

The idea is to have as many 'mediums' possible to keep me preoccupied, subsequently ignoring the reduction in the speed at which Earth revolves. Legend has it that time moves no faster than the growth rate of Danny DeVito when you're on board a plane. You could've just read, with success, a copy of The Merriam-Webster Dictionary from back to front and realize that you're still eons away from reaching your destination.

Reading seems to be a feasible choice. For most, it leads to being engrossed by the wonders of words; a fascination that I never ceased to understand particularly when the letters are as big as dusts. That's not the case for me however. I suffer from a medical condition termed by experts as Getdizzywhenreadingitis, causing severe headaches whenever I read on a plane. The severity often amplified should the font size of the reading material be any less than the size of my thumb. There goes my book flushed down the lavatory aft.

Peter Griffin, wise man, once said,

"I wish I could have my own theme music, which plays everywhere I go and whatever I do."

Which is exactly how I feel about MP3 players -- they provide a soundtrack to my life. Listening to portable music transports me to into this other realm where my coolness level escalates to that of James Dean's. Think John Travolta's 'Stayin' Alive' scene in Saturday Night Fever.

But no height of awesomeness comes without a price. I have a problem with the wires on MP3 players. They're everywhere! No matter how careful I'd be with them, making sure none of them goes through my earlobes or belt holes, I'd still end up strangled. It gets worse whenever I put the player in my bag. 94.3% of the time, the wires get intertwined (whatever that means) with other wires; charger wire, USB cable wire, patch wire, barb wire*.

Sketching/doodle pads are pretty self-explanatory actually. My drawings are bad enough even when I'm stationary (Richter scale reading: 0.12). So you could imagine how pointless it could be trying to draw on a plane. Below is the snake that I tried to sketch while on a flight recently.
As you can see, the snake gets mutated mid-way due to a minor turbulence.

In conclusion, I have absolutely no useful tips on business travel entertainment; as opposed to what I'd written earlier. Well, there are always sleeping pills if Rob Schneider is in all of the in-flight movies.

*I wouldn't, of course, complain as much should 'barb wire' in this context refers to Pamela Anderson's leading role in the 1996 movie of the same name. Who wouldn't want wires all over her anyway? More than ever if you're like myself or Pinocchio, and you lie a lot.


aku nak comment menda ni sebelum pie.

serih. aku rasa kau genius.

meh i'd say a certain something work all the time. specifically that folder buried deep, deep inside your laptop where u can find treasure chest(no pun intended) containing natt chanapa and jenny haze.

either way, considering the powers of your imagination, the stewardess would do just as fine.

oh asrif. after reading your latest comment on my blog, i just wanted to say: i don't hate you. after reading blog posts like this, the only feeling i can really muster up towards you is pity...


nail down a hot chick and make her travel with you everywhere laaaah. habis cerita.

i laughed at the word 'nail'.


bai, hang budget lukih ulaq tu comey abih la aa?

things with maximum length of 2 inches do not qualify to use the word 'elongate'.

and it's too bad your power of imagination could only bring you images of naked sweaty asian dudes clubbing each other to the music of backstreet boys.

Mana satu aku nak reply ni... Hanna punya ah, since yang lain batang.

Hanna... hot chick? I doubt there exists an airline out there that allows poultry on board.


diorg bagi bawak paku ngan tukul ke?

....u know who i am muhahahahah

dang! abd already said what i want to say.
serih, kau memang genius.

first of all, aku rasa 50% of female population rasa kau ni cute. this is reflected by the number of female reader on your site. (OK, statistic tu aku reka je, tapi you got my point right?)

what is the part of your body elongates when you lie? bulu hidung? sila jawab soalan aku ni serih.

gambar ular tu, cam ular dalam iklan keropok apa ntah. ada dalam tv. kalau aku ingat aku bg tau nama keropok tu.

finally, i want to stress this again - serih, kau memang genius.

aku dah jumpa nama keropok tu. mamee funkees.

Astaga Pie. Cemana kau boleh teringat Funkees? Certainly not YouTube?

youtube? tak faham.


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Photography by Azalia Suhaimi

  • Asrif, b. 1983
  • Subang Jaya, Malaysia
  • asrifomar[@]gmail[.]com
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