June 12, 2008

I was in the car with my cousin the other day and during a stop at the red light, we had the following conversation, loosely translated,

"Man... it's always like this."


"I drive a total of two hours back and forth daily from my apartment to the office and half of that time are spent at traffic lights and traffic jams. But never... never once had I ever stopped beside a car with a hot chick in it? Just look around... "

"I don't think chickens are allowed to drive."

"You stupid shit... but that's always the case you see. It's either (1) it's a car full of guys or (2) there is a hot girl in there... but on the driver's seat is a guy who knows that I'm looking at the girl. So he'll throw this face at me, you know -- Yeah yeah, who da man? Dream on sucker... dream on! Booyah!"

"What's new then?"

"I guess."

We both grew up in pretty much the same environment, me and my cousin. Since small, we were trained by the elders in the family to see the world in a wide spectrum, but accept it in a narrow one.

In watching football, for example, we were thought to see the players as people who must get things right (in other words do every single thing we say in front of the TV), 100% of the time. Because they were born to do so. Otherwise, they are the scum of the Earth.

"Okay Dollah move up Dollah move up, to the middle! Ask for the ball! Now Zainal cross the ball he's there waving at you can't you see?! Send it in! send it IN OH MY GOD YOU CALL THAT A CROSS?! YOU'RE SUPPOSED PUT IT INTO THE GOAL ON THIS FIELD!! NOT THE ONE IN MARS!! WHY YOU SON OF A hey... it went in... alright... way to go Nal... always knew it was going to go in... right... nice..."

Nevertheless, in actuality, the bulk of our discussions revolve around our misadventures with members of the opposite gender.

But our misadventures are nothing like the usual drama-filled cases; full of deceit, emotion, deception, and Decepticon. More often than not, the misadventure happens even before the adventure begins.

Another excerpt from a recent conversation, over the phone...

"So what is it now?"

"Yeah so I was at this meeting earlier today right. Then this super hot girl walks into the room and I went BADAZING! You know how often I have meetings with this kind of women right? Only slightly less than the number of time Malaysia won the World Cup."

"Right right..."

"And there was this empty seat beside me; the only empty one in the room and I was going 'please sit here and be single, please sit here and be single, please sit here and be single, please sit here and be single' AND before I could continue, this other lady beside me went..."

"Bah... lemme guess. When's the big day? How's the husband/kids/baby? Saw your boyfriend the other day? How about we just come up with some random question about you not being single at all so that we could shoot down this dweeb beside me?"

"The baby question."



"Wanna go have sushi?"

"Yeah sure, why not."


asrif, ko memang genius.

micro genius...yoshhh.lebih kurang lame macam lawak decepticon.bwahhahaha.serih...aduhlaaa serihh...

Aku Adalah Aku

God! You read me like a dictionary~

Duk sebelah M.I.L.* ok la tuh kot haha

asrif, kenapa orang selalu cakap you genius?


nope, don't see it.

Kurthaz, I'm slow and I don't get it.

Ike, harum bro...

Hanna, ponder deeper, look further, my dear.

Abd, again you stole my line. ehehehe. serih ko memang genius.

the Decepticon part, memang genius. i like it.

keep on writing bro..

aderkah cousin di dalam cerita ini Pipi??

Muahahahahahah... naka.. naka..

Afifi. Girls want him. Guys wanna be him.

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Photography by Azalia Suhaimi

  • Asrif, b. 1983
  • Subang Jaya, Malaysia
  • asrifomar[@]gmail[.]com
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