Tool of the Year
August 05, 2008

TV characters... we're all influenced by them.

Thanks to the eloquence of Hannah Montana, my sisters are now using, on average, three 'likes' per sentence. Thus a regular conversation among their friends would go,

"I was like, at the mall the other day and there was like, this like, bag right, and it was like, totally hot you go gUrLz..! ^_~"

There's also my good friend Zul, who had considered the gym his second home after witnessing the number of buildings that The Hulk was capable of tearing down just by sneezing. You're getting there bro.

And then there's Judd. Aspired by the massive acreage of hair on David Hasselhoff's chest in Baywatch, he's been under the strict rules of an intensive 30-day 'body hair rejuvenation' program; which involves sunbathing, to the horror of his neighbors.

As for myself, I've never really been heavily influenced by any particular TV character. While I tend to believe that the fashion of my wit is in the mold of Dr. Gregory House, my intelligence has never been likened to anyone beyond Peter Griffin.

Yes, the same Peter Griffin who wrote the following letter,

"Dear MacGyver, Enclosed is a rubber band, a paper clip, and a drinking straw. Please save my dog."

If given the choice though, I've always wanted to be like Tim Allen in Home Improvement. That's right, Tim Taylor, the ultimate Mr. Fix-it and long time host of Tool Time. I want to be able to fix things.

(And of course, have my own TV show with initially, Lisa (Pamela Anderson) and later on, Heidi (Debbe Dunning) as the assistant. Guys my age we owe a lot to Lisa and Heidi as the show was at their peak in the mid-90s; an era during which most of us hit puberty. Sigh...)

As I was saying, I've always wanted to be good at fixing things. I suppose it's only natural for guys to be a bit restless whenever they see a leaking pipe or a loose door knob or punctured tires or Zuleyka Rivera Miss Universe 2006; you know. We would usually experience this sudden urge to screw and tighten some bolts and nuts; especially when it comes to Zuleyka Rivera Miss Universe 2006.

Sorry.

Men were born with the dire need to fix things that are broken, and break things that aren't broken. Sadly, I was blessed with more of the latter than the former. Twenty five years of living and I could safely say that the success rate of my fixing attempts is only comparable to the success rate of Ashlee Simpson's singing attempts.

Nevertheless, I do put some effort into developing my stuff-fixing ability. Every now and then I would look around the house for things to be fixed; in my carpenter pants and equipped with the best tools and gadgets in town. Stanley screwdrivers, Swiss Army knives and Bosch drills all packed in my Black and Decker Power Tools toolbox and ready to rock and roll.

Before I give a call to Tanggarajan, the family Mr. Fix-it to come over and 'assist' me, in 'operating' the toolbox.

At least I tried.



Comments:

hi serih
 

alamak, ada orang dah ambik my line.

oh well. hi asrif.
 

dr. fazley


dah.
 

*menggelengkan kepala.
 

i rasa i pernah nampak u la dulu..kat mana eh?
 

Pie: Hi Pie.

Hanna: Hi awak.

Yop: Ni aku tak berapa paham sangat ni. Hang dok kata Dr. Fazley a certified, 100% Malaysian bred TOOL ka apa?

Azah: :o

Jeghi: I pun rasa I pernah nampak you, kat dalam yearbook KMYS. Wahahahaha...
 

whahahaha.year book kmys.nice one!
 

have you ever kissed a girl?
 

i have :-)
 

Acik, bawak bertenang...
 

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Photography by Azalia Suhaimi

About
  • Asrif, b. 1983
  • Subang Jaya, Malaysia
  • asrifomar[@]gmail[.]com
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