It's alive!
October 06, 2008

Just as any other 25 year old guy with siblings half his age, visits to the local Toys Я Us outlet isn’t all that foreign to me.

Thanks to the festive season though, it’s been a good week now since I last walked under Geoffrey the Giraffe’s crotch into the store. An achievement attained not without convincing my sisters that Toys Я Us is now owned by a Middle Eastern consortium; hence the store’s week-long closure in respect of Eid.

"Yeah yeah of course, and you know what... they’re gonna switch Geoffrey with Rasheed, a camel."

It wasn’t always too bad going there. In fact, I enjoy walking along the aisles of action figures and die cast toy cars. It brings me back to the time when I wished I had a steady job that would provide the money to buy these dream toys of mine. Unfortunately, I still don’t.

During my last visit there however, I was struck by a rather appalling realization. One of which that may well spark doubt over the strict regulations against substance abuse that, I believe, are customarily adopted by toy companies everywhere.

For I came across, while engaging in a crucial discussion with my sister (on why her pocket money are better off spent on donuts to be shared with her siblings, rather than those tiny plastic Bratz shoes), the following...



I know, shocking isn’t it? Finally a toy with batteries included!

Going at just RM 299.99 a pop, Baby Alive Learns to Potty brings a whole new meaning to the word revolutionary, simultaneously drawing a different perspective to the already astounding process of fecal excretion.

I was made to understand that by my sister that Baby Alive is a phenomenon among her friends at school. As evidently proven moments later, a few other girls were seen frantically stomping and screaming at their parents upon their refusal to add/purchase another member to their family; one that would need cleansing attention of the rear area, nevertheless.

"Phew..." I sighed in relief, feeling fortunate as I had the most rational explanation in buying my sister out of wanting a Baby Alive Learns to Potty.

"You’re lucky you know. Pft, heck you don’t even need a Baby Alive... you have me! See I basically do everything that these Baby Alive dolls do. And you don’t even have to change me!"

Perhaps in awe of the irrefutable logic behind her brother’s exceptional reasoning and persuasion skill, she stared at me for a few seconds before slowly moving away to the Bratz section.

"Ha ha! Got that spot on didn’t I? Where are you going now... come on, I even talk like these dolls. Baby want donuts... baby say better buy donuts than stupid Bratz shoes..."

Fair enough, we did end up at the cashier with me forking out RM 14 to top up her pocket money collection of RM 2.60 (in coins) for those darn plastic shoes. But that’s RM 285.99 saved, baby!



Photography by Azalia Suhaimi

About
  • Asrif, b. 1983
  • Subang Jaya, Malaysia
  • asrifomar[@]gmail[.]com
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