Lofe
November 26, 2008

I used to think that life would get easier as I grow older. I'll be able to get a steady income and buy stuff, drive a car and go places... basically do the things that I'd always wanted to as a kid. More importantly, I wouldn't have to go to school and freeze myself at the first bell after recess anymore. Ever.

The journey into adulthood has always been like a passage to liberty for me. It paves the way for me to enter this new world, warranting me the right to not be envious of adults any longer. Simply because I'd become one of them. It's a fact to be appreciated everytime I ponder upon the limitations that I had to deal with earlier in life.

One thing though, seems to be a million times simpler back then. And I reckon I speak for a number of guys out there on this one. For the subject in reference happens to be, for the lack of a better term, my relationship with peers of the opposite gender.

Prior to entering primary school, I had a rather primitive way of expressing my fondness of girls. It wasn't prehistoric per se, where I would knock them out and drag them back into my cave. Not quite... close enough though.

I was the maniac kid who liked to chase girls around at the playground. I would go to the park sometime earlier in the afternoon to play catch and collect tadpoles with my friends before the sun sets down a bit and the girls arrive. But I was fair, in a way. As I don't really bug them until they're done playing whatever it was that they were playing (God knows).

Until dawn breaks and they head home, running for their lives, away from the frenzied kid from hell that was yours truly. Well, the lot of them didn't really have to run away as I was actually running after this one girl only. Living just a few doors away, she was maybe four years older and I was good friends with her brother. Apart from being cute, I thought it would be a swell idea to get married to her as I would be able to catch tadpoles with her brother until we get old.

Things pretty much went downhill when I started school; not to say that any of the earlier anecdotes was laudable either. I became a bit too occupied with other things that I became -- and I stress my straightness in writing this -- somewhat disinterested in girls. I was overwhelmed, so to speak, with the ideas that I was getting from my friends at school. We played rounders instead of just simple catch and from tadpoles, we graduated to collecting frogs and performing surgeries on them. Girls were nowhere within our sights. Suffice to say, the Ninja Turtles took precedence in my priority list. They still do.

I'm partly kidding.

A part of me did realize the lacking amount of communication I had with the girls at school. It was a time when a number of my own friends were starting to get involved and have a taste of their own puppy love -- *washes hands* -- experience. Another part of me (the bigger one I'd presume) was rather complacent; telling myself that youth fades away before you know it and if I don't dissect frogs and other members of the Animal Kingdom now, I never will.

So there I was, spending my 11 years of primary and secondary schooling years engaging in activities mainly relating to either football, music, video games and worst of all, professional wrestling; requiring minute involvement of anyone from the opposite gender. Little that I know, however, such a behavior led to the development of a mild indifference. Consequently, while I could roar when I'm at a table with my guy friends, put a girl there and I'll purr away.

Now where has that little devil gone? That child who was so confident that he could find a life partner just by chasing girls around, literally. More than a decade of seclusion from socializing outside of his comfort zone did more than just tame him down. If only he's bold enough to just go out there and say it out loud,

"Hey, I think I like you and I'd love to know you better. Then again, I won't force you into anything if you don't feel like it. I'm sure the right one is out there for the both of us. Cheers!"

Life would be a tad too easy perhaps if things are as simple as that.

You're 5, you go to the playground, you see a cute girl, you like her, you chase her around, she runs away from you and you quit running when you get tired, you go home and play Sonic the Hedgehog, you come back to the playground tomorrow and you chase some other girl you like.

You're 25 and you're having a drink with your friends at a café nearby your office, you see an attractive lady sitting not too far from your table, you whisper to your friend her latitude and longitude, questions starts meandering around your head, would you ever see her again, do you just inflate your balls and go talk to her, but what if she's waiting for her boyfriend/husband, will be getting a good ass-whooping from the guy, even if you manage to talk to her, what if she works nearby as well, that would mean that you'll be seeing more of her after this and if you do get rejected there and then, will she be telling her friends of you, will you be able to withstand the pain and agony of such humiliation, would it mean that you'll have to work elsewhere and never be able to set sight on the café, ever again, would you?

I would... if I could.



Comments:

angah, i think we THINK too much, we put too much "what ifs" before we wanna do something. maybe that explains our current situation. when we were little boys...we just simply..."don't think"...how great that is...
 

i was wondering.. do those thoughts happened to run in every man's mind before he make a move to a girl? or is it just u?

other male's responses are welcomed
 

you won't?

hmmm.....such a quitter!

Dol, bring out the tiger(not chicken) within you~ *here kitty kitty~*roar**
 

i agree with ikram .. we think too much.

as kids, we "just do it"..:)

start chasing again, asrif.org!
 

salam dari Dublin.. tgh bloghopping terhop kat sini pulak.. hehe.. kalau rajin, meh laa hop to my blog.. :)
 

"Consequently, while I could roar when I'm at a table with my guy friends, put a girl there and I'll purr away."

Yeah. Sangat betul. I was jogging my memory to recall why you looked so familiar until u mentioned Pipi.

I was like.. "ohh... sepupu Pipi hok senyak tok kecek sepatoh pon each time lepok tu.."

I thought of wasted time when we were hanging out but weren't really talking to each other. Sheesh.
 

This comment has been removed by the author.
 

p/s : Achik, trouble in paradise ko?

and yeah.. we think too much, I agree. And girls like me, sometimes we do over-analysed.

I'm off to an 'evaluation meeting'. My friend has an online bf, they never met but gonna meet each other when he flies to UK very soon.

So I'm doing the pre-evaluation to gauge how real are his feelings for her by chatting casually with him. You can never be too careful when you meet your bf online. Heh.
 

Angah, you have a troubled mind. Yes, you think too much. Other than watching porn too much, you should also reflect the beautiful moments you're missing with someone of the oppisite sex, just because you don't have balls. Of course, I'm talking about the greatest feeling, "to love, and to be loved".

You need to get laid, with at least a human being. Gender shouldn't be an issue for now.
 

When you are five, things are simpler because even if the girl rolls her eyes at you and tell you to piss off, you can take it like a man ( or you might just roll your eyes back at her and tell her to piss off first).

But at 25, it gets a little more complicated because we care too much of our pride than the possibility of a simple "Hello" leading to a meaningful relationship.

(Okay so maybe Ive been watching way too many chick flicks, but you get the idea.)
 

Hey, bro. I would like to take this opportunity to say sorry for all those gay jokes I threw at you. I just realized about this after I read your entry.



I am sorry, friend. I didn't know that you really are a homosexual.
 

Acik: Perhaps we should 'not think' in Bangco... I mean, Bangkok?

SR: As mentioned, I speak for a few guys... very few I believe.

Anem: Jangan Dol, aku jadi rimau betul kang habis lari semua orang.

Syu: I'm chasing... believe me I'm chasing.

J: Selamat brader, thanks for dropping by.

Azah: Oh come on, that was long time ago.

Judd: Since gender is no issue now, would Zul play along if I somehow... you know... tease him a bit.

Sawittri: Thing is that, even at 25, girls still do roll their eyes and tell me to piss off. Ha ha ha... sigh... tsk... tsk... sobs.

Ramone: Ah, aritu roti bakar. Ni 100 Plus pulak. You know damn well how my Holy Grail diminishes any homosexual chants thrown my way, don't you buddy?
 

Oh and yeah folks, I just had to edit the last line bwahahaha...
 

there's always jenna, candy and nautica u know....
 

Dude, don't worry so much man ... U'll always hav Judd by your side .. he'll be the shoulder for u to cry on, and fulfill ur manlove needs

In case u'r so desparate, I believe the Barong we saw at Bali Airport should be available for u.

I'm no expert in this field, that's fo sho'. However, I do believe that the more u pressure urself, the more desperate u get. Hence, will make u more vulnerable.

Just take it easy aight.
 

takpe sayang... you kan ada i.
 

Serih, kau memang genius.

aku tak tau nak kata apa. good luck.
 

Anon: Very true.

Badol: Words fail to portray the difficulty of absorbing every one of your words there.

Hanna: Jangan cakap gitu yang... menggigil lutut I.

Pie: Ha ha... good luck... ha ha...
 

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Photography by Azalia Suhaimi

About
  • Asrif, b. 1983
  • Subang Jaya, Malaysia
  • asrifomar[@]gmail[.]com
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