Faux Pas
February 25, 2009

Homer Simpson (wise man) once expressed, in portraying his frustration over a situation going against his preferred liking, the following...


While some may argue that the expression is merely his spontaneous reaction toward a catastrophe (e.g. Kwik-E-Mart running out of Squishees), and analyzing the saying of a fictional, animated character would be a major waste of precious time -- let alone one whose IQ score is no more than the number of fingers on his hands (8) -- I do believe that we couldn't really discount the significance of such a concept in our daily lives.

Frustration is perhaps one of the most natural emotional feelings among mere mortals like you and me. It's a situation that no one could escape from. Unless of course, you are Chuck Norris. People of different backgrounds, nationalities and languages across the globe convey their disappointments in many different manners; both verbally and physically.

Somewhere in the Arctic region, an Inuit man is seen snapping his sphere into two in aggravation over getting his tongue stuck to the wall of his igloo. Not too far across the Kalahari desert, little N!xau of the Basarwa tribe tied the tail of a zebra to a tree after he lost a bet on it in a race. In his bedroom near Kuala Lumpur, a man in his mid-twenties contemplates on ramming his head onto the monitor while writing what could possibly be his worst article yet; one that includes a frozen tongue and an entangled zebra, among others.

In the following paragraphs, I shall be sharing with you a few instances from the recent past to demonstrate how apparent Mr. Simpson's infamous 3-letter word has been in my life. The reason I'm doing this is beyond me. What I can assure you of, however, is that if you're reading this at the office, you're better off doing actual work.

We were at a theme park the other day and while waiting for our friend Judd to get into his morally wrong swimming trunk, some of us enjoyed a few cigarettes in front of the changing room. Being the courteous citizen that I am, noticing a slightly sizable woman within sight, I advised my friends to move elsewhere as "that lady over there is pregnant" in an audible volume; yet without any intention of letting her know that I was the considerate one among the bunch. Moving away and feeling pretty good about myself, it suddenly occurred to me that not all sizeable women are necessarily pregnant.

I was enjoying a rather delightful meal with a few friends not too long ago. The place was cozy, the food was nice and for once, I had the pleasure of making that face guys would usually want to punch in heartbeat, enviously as they ogle at the lovely ladies on our table; which is not necessarily pleasant to be honest. Within seconds into the meal, they wasted no time before getting engrossed in a discussion about marriage. After a few rounds of guessing who's next et al, one of them got her phone out to show pictures from a wedding she attended recently. Little that I know, by ‘attending', she meant being with the bride since 6am and making her up for two hours. Only for me to make the following smartass remark while flipping through the pictures,

"So how long did it take to scrape off the layers of make-up?"

It was just another one of those night runs. The setting seemed nice enough. I was the only one on the track, the wind was just breezing nicely and they've fixed the spotlight; so no more stupid eerie figure in white flying by as I run. You see the great thing about running at night -- though I don't get to see the netball girls as much -- is the peace of mind in running without the fear of a 60-year old man demoralizing your effort as he takes over you even if you ‘think' you're going at the speed of light already. Yes, it happens, a lot. So I had some Jazz on the MP3 player and ran like it was nobody's business. Pacing up, going into the sixth lap, I felt it... the Usain Bolt in me unleashes its velocity, gaining momentum as I visualized myself running in the Olympics with the crowd cheering. Except that, it wasn't me they were rooting for. My moment of glory fades into thin air as the same 60-year old man swiftly overtakes me yet again. What gives... isn't it his bedtime already?!

And now, as I'm typing, memories of other, similarly unfortunate events flash by me. At any rate though, they remind me that we are all only human after all. Plus, as the saying goes, people are bound to make mistakes... that's why they have erasers on pencils. Misfortunes come in various forms and if you could look at it positively, there's no reason why you couldn't learn, make the best out of it, and move on. Things could've been worse anyway. What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. While they may hit you when you least expected, we can't deny that life's ups won't exist without the downs.

I feel pretty good actually, writing all of these overused clichés out. Putting them into practice however, would be a whole other story. I have issues with putting things behind, apparently. That said, 60-year old cheetah reincarnation man, if you're reading this, bring it on! See you on the track!

Meh. I'll just hit the treadmill.


This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

I feel compelled to write a comment layered with cynicism and sarcasm for the sake of one writer bashing another in regards of this piece, but in all honesty it deserves as much applause as any other good pieces you've written.

Keep it up, funny man.

mana member ko yang selalu kata ko genius ni serih.

Tg: Even I don't go to my own blog when I have nothing better to do at the office. :-)

Snoop: Aw, that's awfully nice of ya.

Ihsan: Apa ko cakap ni San? Budak-budak undergrad kat UPM comel tak? (Pompuan, bukan laki... in case you're wondering.)


Ajep: Pernahkah? Pernahkah?

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Photography by Azalia Suhaimi

  • Asrif, b. 1983
  • Subang Jaya, Malaysia
  • asrifomar[@]gmail[.]com
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