Romancing the Gallstone
July 04, 2009

Yesterday, in between the subjects that we usually engross ourselves in (e.g. cars, gadgets, sports, Hanis Zalikha), me and my friends we had the pleasure of discussing about something that was somewhat, out of our norm. An issue, or rather, a problem, if you will, that has been bugging us for quite a while now. One that had barred us from gaining that extra mile i.e. going beyond the reachable lengths in our social lives, if any. At the very least, it called us to get out of our comfort zone.

Some of you may wonder, "Could this 'problem' in reference pertain to the size of their genitals, or lack of it?" to which I would have to duly disaffirm "No, kind sir. I, unlike my friends, for one am not in the position to worry about being well-endowed."

For our issue of focus at the time was instead, self-confidence.

History has proven how self-confidence leads to outstanding heights among great men. Genghis Khan wouldn't have led the Mongol Empire, only the largest contiguous empire of all time and once the owner of Central Asia, without it. Napoleon wouldn't have shaped 19th century European politics without it. Barack Obama wouldn't have been the first African American president of the United States without it. Above all, my good friend Din wouldn't have picked up that blazing hot chick at the bookstore the other day, without it.

Lucky bastard.

But would it make any difference though? Cursing Din for successfully hitting on a girl after he'd inflated his own balls to approach her. He deserved it. For all you know they could be sharing a bowl of her favorite ice cream at this point of writing. He wasn't lucky. We were. We both found the girl but he was the only one with gonads worthy of enduring the warpath of a battlefield before approaching her; leaving me stranded in the midst of the aisles of novels stacking themselves up and forming animated faces on their covers ready to have a laugh at me in unison. At least that was how it happened in my head.

Among the many things that we talked about, were the underlying reasons that lead to our lack of confidence; particularly in the presence of a member of the opposite gender. I recall writing about how we roar like the king of the jungle in our own company but bring a girl near the table and we'll squirm away like little kittens. The way she affects the atmosphere at the table boggles the mind; the way she turns us, into these uncomfortable beings.

One minute, you'll have a bunch of guys talking like Mr. T; outdoing each other's bravado with stories about manly things e.g. exhaust pipes, with profanities to boot. The next minute, however, the very same people would turn into this group of over-sensitive men who'll give their utmost attention to the girl's stories even if they're about things that they've never seen in real life e.g. potpourris; sounding like Clay Aiken in the process.

Such timidity arises from a certain form of fear. The fear of faux pas; the classic social gaffe that has turned princes to paupers and riches to rags. A self-destructive error that happens without warning, let alone permissible control.

We were in the company of two very pleasant, newly-acquainted ladies recently and things seemed to be going very well with everyone at the table exchanging his/her favorite traveling stories. During which, one of the ladies shared a very inspiring tale of her hike up Mt. Kinabalu...

"It was no easy feat and I could barely catch any breath until, we reached the peak where none of it mattered. I was on top of the world!" she said, her eyes glowing.

"Wow! That's totally amazing! I wish to do the same someday!" I responded, my eyes glowing as well.

"Yeah, impressive. You must've been what... half your size back then?" a friend of mine, whom I shouldn't name here, swiftly reacted, with the straightest of faces.

Inevitably, the awkward silence that follows calls for me to ring up the waiter for the bill. And that rendezvous shall remain the one and only meeting we'll ever have with our new hiker girl friend.

While this may come as a surprise, the level of ignorance, as demonstrated by my good friend in the above anecdote, is all but rare among guys. Was he really saying it with the intention of demeaning the girl? I doubt it. It was merely an observation but what guys need to start acknowledging is that, with us, honesty, is not necessarily the best policy. When in doubt, shut the hell up. If only he had known that questioning a girl's weight is as big a taboo as say, I don't know, beating up the Jonas Brothers?

Ironically, apart from the fear that we have over the stuff that our big mouths could utter, there's also the fear of, yes, each other.

You see, one of the most satisfying feelings a guy could have is the enjoyment of making fun of his friends. Hence, what better platform is there for a guy to screw up then in the presence of a girl, in front of his friends. The guy who asked about the hiker girl's weight earlier would agree. It could happen in so many ways. From choking to mixing up words... I've seen it all, if not done it myself.

In closing, dear friends, if you do happen to have a pointer or two for us to overcome this perplexing situation of ours, please do share. For we would gratefully appreciate your insights.

Who knows? It may well make the world a better place. Or at least, the Jonas Brothers, spared from a good beat up.


Anekdot Kehidupanku!

haha. Nice write-up. Entertaining light yet, insightful. :)

I have a feeling that the size comment was made by someone like Badol.

i rasa your friend is in a secret mission to let you grow old and alone, with him.

cudnt agree more with esah's statement.. lol

btw, i dig guys who are confident.. and willing to show his kesungguhan in mengorating (is there such a word? hehe) me.. which i find malay guys are lack of.. why eh?

things never to comment abt a girl unless in a praise:

1) weight
2) jerawat (if any)
3) shoes
4) handbag
5) weight
6) weight
7) hair
8) jerawat
9) baju
10) weight

disclaimer on jerawat: don't even mention that u notice it. if u praise on her complexion, it'll imply that she had bad skin before.
when she mentions it willingly, u go "what zit? i don't see any".

the way to a girl's heart is by pretending that she is picture perfect. if she's perfect for you, then you don't have to pretend anymore. geddit?

whatever it is, like u said: when in doubt just shut your trap. talk abt the weather instead. safe topic.

good luck! :)

So, are these praises okay?

1. Hey baby, now that you've put on some weight, I find you very cute like teletubbies.
2. Girl, your face reminds me of the moon. The surface to be more precise.
3. I like the shoes that you wear. But it only looks good on the model in the picture.

Don't pretend that she is picture perfect. In fact, don't pretend at all. If she's that kind of girl who's so insecure that needs so much reassurance that she's all that, you can either move on or break her neck.

The poster above reads too much Cosmo...needs a reality check, imho.

hi maleanonymous,
u must be a poor lonely guy. otherwise a very unhappily married man.

cheers :)

oh yeah i sooo agree with anon above.. if you dont have anything nice to say, then dont say anything at all. and just be urself la.. i sense this need to show macho and mcm bagus sampai tak kena tempat. apakahh?

btw, if u really like that girl, u really have the heart to talk to her like that arr?

gosh sgt immature betul..

Thanks for the insights folks.

I'm sure we can learn a thing or two from each other.

I sure did. :-)

PS: Ihsan, not it wasn't Badol but good guess brother. Good guess.

people, if there's one thing that you need to do during the mengorat phase is not to overdo everything. dont over-praise, dont (be) over-confident, you get the drift. once you get to go to the next stage, mase ni la u can blurt out all the celupar-ness in you, and if she can take it, she might be for real. okay paham tak? :P

yang benar,
kak esah mendez aka aunt agony

hmmm...I'm thinking that it's only natural that some guys just become completely overwhelmed when a woman waaay out of their league somehow decides to pay attention to them.

for instance, I can't even count the number of times how I behaved/talked like a diseased leper in the presence of gorgeous women.

boy needs a pretty girl to boost ego. boy gets to out with pretty girl. boy gets 3 ego points.


boy gets rejected. girl gets 3 ego points for rejecting a needy boy.

in the end, it's just vicious cycle of ego boosting activities.

LOL! very funny Asrif. thing is, i don't understand why anyone (girl/boy) would wanna comment on appearances when there's so many other interesting topics in this world to talk about, ones with more substance/importance. moreover to do it during a first meeting, its borderline rude, in a way.

p/s: Asrif, nanti aku hantar gitar pi rumah kau bila2 aku free. u don't have to come and pick it up..

Kirrrrrrrrr... just ring me up whenever you wanna drop by yeah! :-)

A gallbladder attack usually happens because a stone is blocking a passageway in the gallbladder. Gallstones develop in the gallbladder.

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Photography by Azalia Suhaimi

  • Asrif, b. 1983
  • Subang Jaya, Malaysia
  • asrifomar[@]gmail[.]com
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