Pick Me Up, Love
February 09, 2010

Guys, a lot have changed in us since the Paleolithic era. Well it was 2,600,000 years ago. Most of our cabinet ministers were still toddlers then.

We don't go out scavenging wild game as much. We don't gather uncultivated plants as much. We don't use tools made out of bones as much. We don't -- unless you're Dennis Rodman -- cover ourselves in animal skin as much. Above all else, we surely don't, to win their hearts, go knocking out women and drag them back to our caves, as much.

At least I don't. I don't live in a cave.

What we still do, as much, however, in appealing to the ladies, is pickup lines.

It's true. We do go way back.

The art of blending wit, humor and most of all, class (well relatively) in engaging with members of the opposite gender is ancient. Among the traits of masculinity, it has been as constant as the songs of Canadian rock band Nickelback. And anthropologists worldwide would collectively agree that the first person to ever put it to practice was Barney Rubble. Who else would you think came up with the following classic,

"Well I'm no Fred Flinstone but baby, I can sure make your bed rock."

I guess the man was only guilty of being inspired by Fred in sealing the deal with Wilma.

Today, pickup lines are as widespread as singing to Lady Gaga while doing your laundry. It has become a part of life. In essence, the negative connotations that have been associated with it have been gradually cushioned by such acceptance.

Before I continue, ladies, agreeably, it is true that at times, pickup lines can be more of a vice. You know, in clubs, with booze spilling around the smoky ashtrays at the bar counter. A guy with his utmost confidence would come to you in his proudly unbuttoned shirt and majestic greasy hair, dip his hand into a glass, grab some ice and throw it onto the ground before going,

"Now that the ice is broken, can I have your number?"

Creative? Yes. Effective? Questionable.

I believe pickup lines go beyond that. As essentially, and as mentioned, I see it as a form of art. The play on words that it involves does require some intelligence. Some. And it crosses the many borders and barriers of languages. In fact, some of them are only applicable in certain languages. A good friend of mine had just delivered an instant hit in Malay, yesterday over a drink,

"Mantap la teh yang makcik buat ni. Manis. Macam anak makcik."

Little did he know, the only child in the makcik's family is her son. Unless he was going for the makcik herself. We're not too sure. You know who you are, Syah.

Pickup lines create warmth and it shouldn't be confined within the territories of strangers. I see no reason for husbands to still not use them once in a while with their wives. Given that they're alright with it. And it's not "Are you wearing space pants ‘cos your ass is out of this world!" and its derivatives. Then again, she might like that. I, for one, wouldn't mind.

Perhaps the more charming ones with stars in her eyes and knots in your heart and the likes would be more appropriate. Most importantly, I reckon keeping it original is the key to a successful pickup line. Surely the tales that you both encounter together in life are aplenty. Like that time she got mad at you for screaming at 3am while watching football. You know, something about the way she didn't look like a witch at all as she threw the broom at you, half-awake.

Then again, I'm in no position to really say a lot about this, as much as I'd written about it here. I'm bad at it myself. My girlfriend would hold evident the number of lines that had gone down the drain; in the earlier days, at least. To date, the following seems to be the only pickup line I could claim glory for,

"So what time is cool for me to pick you up?"

Told you.


"My girlfriend would hold evident the ...."
am still getting used to the idea of u not being single anymore. nyum nyum

the best one i've heard was (not by me hahaha): "Would you like to see my map of Malaysia?"

serih not single anymore?

awwwwwwwwwwww................ (:

cam tak caya je serih dah tak single...
anyway, another masterpiece from serih!

brilliant serih. penat aku gelak. adakah judd ko punya source of research to write this? mamat tu slalu je update status dia ngan out-of-this-world pickup lines.. hahah

abang serehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..

kata kata mu hanya mimpi...

Pick up lines: best delivered in a non-sleazy, self-deprecating manner and the willingness to laugh at yourself. :)

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Photography by Azalia Suhaimi

  • Asrif, b. 1983
  • Subang Jaya, Malaysia
  • asrifomar[@]gmail[.]com
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