Press Statement
January 20, 2012

Alright. Perhaps it's time I quell the nasty rumor that has been going around.

To those who have lost sleep over it, no, I am not Ryan Gosling's Hollywood body double. I have no idea how the rumor came about and I am deeply concerned over the confusion it has caused. Maybe some schmuck from E! or TMZ spotted me going to the gym. You don't get confused as Ryan Gosling's Hollywood body double just like that. It takes determination, discipline, a strict diet, and a blatant lie.

But let's put that to rest for now. I guess it's just one of the things that happen to you when you start going to the gym. No wonder I've been seeing new fitness centers the size of international airports popping out of nowhere. The promise of a body to-die-for is just a membership away, for RM200 per month, with a 20% discount if you're willing to give out your friend's number, and end your friendship with him. To ensure results are delivered, you are assigned a certified trainer and termination of your membership is usually more difficult than entering North Korea.

Nevertheless, that is the trend nowadays. People commit their monthly expenses to a contract that binds them to a place they'll never go. Not me, though. No sir. I've been shrewd enough to save the numbers of Fitness First and its cohorts in my phone -- just as I do with insurance agents. So dodging their calls is usually a breeze.

Recently, however, my employers decided that their staff members haven't been healthy enough. So in the spirit of promoting work-life balance, 20 gym cards were distributed to be shared by the 200 of us. A generous card to staff ratio, if you ask me. Considering the number of people who actually utilize the card, a ratio of 1:200 would be more practical.

I've never spent much time at the gym. There was the odd visit or two when I was in college. Visits that lasted no longer than 3 minutes. The sight of other students doing 400lb bench presses with biceps the size of Cee Lo Green was demoralizing. I was intimidated, if you will, by the grunts and groans of people pumping iron. And it didn't help that most of them were women.

Considering that fitness isn't really an area of interest in the corporate world, I thought I'd give it another shot. How bad could it be anyway? Half the guys have waistline double their age. So I'm a part of the majority. Competition must be less aggressive around here.

Above all, it's free. At least I don't have to pay to be humiliated.

Hope that clears the air.


Whoaa cool. Hope to see u at the gym. We can do shbam together. Haha.

lepas ni badan katang la

Roe: You don't wanna see me doing Sh'bam. No, I don't wanna see me doing Sh'bam!

Pie: Lepas ni?

Have you set yourself any targets? I had a lady friend who started going and her goal was to be able to do 10 push ups and look good in a wedding dress in June. That's the sort of thing that will get you going.

Of course if I were you, I would only hire the dress...

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Photography by Azalia Suhaimi

  • Asrif, b. 1983
  • Subang Jaya, Malaysia
  • asrifomar[@]gmail[.]com
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